Beyond Monogamy: The Uncomfortable Truth About Why Women Are Driving the Future Toward Polygamy

Let’s have a difficult conversation.

There are certain truths in the world that exist whether we feel good about them or not. 

As Coach Nazir, one of the founders of Outstanding Personal Relationships, I’ve learned that the key to navigating the world is to face these truths head on. 

Today, we’re diving into the dynamics of the sexual Marketplace, why monogamy feels like an unnatural restriction for some men, and the most surprising part: how women are the ones driving the push towards polygyny.

This isn’t about feelings; it’s about facts and observations. 

The principle is simple: offense is taken, not given. 

What you do with this information is entirely up to you.

Your Worth is Not Your Value

Before we go any further, we must be clear on a crucial distinction: the difference between your worth and your value.

• Worth is internal. It’s your self esteem, your dignity, how you feel about yourself. Some say it's infinite; I say it’s immeasurable. We are not discussing your worth today.

• Value, on the other hand, is external. It’s what others in the Marketplace are willing to transact for. In the sexual Marketplace, that transaction is the type of relationship. Generally speaking, women control access to sex, and men control access to commitment via marriage.

Understanding this difference is the foundation for everything that follows.

The Mountain of Sex: A Man's Climb, A Woman's Descent

To truly grasp the opposite journeys men and women take, I use an analogy I call the "Mountain of Sex."

Think of a woman like Rachel. At 19, she was the life of every party. She was at the top of the mountain, possessing the prime assets the Marketplace desires: youth, beauty, and peak fertility. 

She mistook the attention she received as optionality for commitment, but it was really just "optionality to get poked." 

Seduced by her ears and believing the sweet words from men who had no long term plans, she made a series of poor choices. 

She was generous with her body, thinking it was a path to love, but in reality, she was decreasing her value to the kind of man of value she would later want to build a life with. 

A woman's job is to preserve her value, and having multiple partners or children out of wedlock severely diminishes that value in the eyes of a man who provides commitment.

Now think of Raza. At 19, Raza was a good guy, but he felt invisible. 

He’d watch guys at his university effortlessly talk to women like Rachel, while he stood awkwardly in the corner. He was at the very bottom of the mountain with no proven value, no resources, and no status. 

Frustrated, Raza decided to stop trying to get attention and started building himself. He hit the gym, focused on his studies, and started a small side business. He began his long, arduous climb.

As the years passed, Rachel began her slow descent as her peak assets naturally declined. 

Having made "really bad mistakes and errors," she began to recognize the reality of the Marketplace. The pool of high quality men seemed smaller, and the casual attention she once thrived on felt empty. 

She was now ready for commitment, but the men she wanted to commit to were often looking for something she had already given away.

Meanwhile, Raza's climb was paying off. By 30, his business was thriving, he was in great shape, and he had a quiet confidence he’d never known. 

Suddenly or at least it seemed, he was the one getting noticed. His value had increased, and he had more options.

Women, including women younger than him, were interested in his stability and ambition. He had passed Rachel on the mountain. 

Their journeys crossed. It’s no coincidence that the average age for a first marriage in the US is around 28.5 for women and 30.5 for men.

How Men Climb the Mountain: Master Your F.R.A.M.E.

For a man, the decade between 18 and 30 is everything. This is where you build your value. To do this successfully, you must implement the F.R.A.M.E. method.

• F - Fearless: 

You must be fearless in facing the hard truth that men's and women's journeys are polar opposites.

• R - Reliable: 

Understand the brutally reliable patterns of attraction. Men are overwhelmingly visual. Women, while also visual, adjust their attraction based on a man’s resources, status, and ability to provide security.

• A - Ambitious: 

You must have a purpose bigger than a woman, bigger than your family. What are you building? What are you working toward? A man with a mission is incredibly attractive.

• M - Masculine: 

Be a protector, a provider, and a steady, calm rock in a world of chaos. 

I once coached a man named Mike. He was laid off from his corporate job, a position he'd held for 12 years. His wife, Roxanne, was understandably terrified. But Mike didn't panic. 

He sat her down and said, "This is a setback, but I have a plan. Trust me." For the next three months, he treated finding a new path like a full time job. 

He was up early, networking, learning new skills, and building a business plan. His calm strength (Masculine) and his focused drive (Ambitious) were a powerful combination. 

He eventually launched a successful consulting firm, earning more than he did before. 

Roxanne later told me, "I was scared, but I've never been more attracted to him. Seeing him lead us through that storm… that’s a real man."

• E - Exceptional: 

As you build your value, you separate yourself from the mediocre masses. Like a restaurant with a long line, people assume there's something special about it. 

A man who successfully climbs the mountain becomes a prize that women of all ages compete for.

The Prize: What an Exceptional Man Seeks in a Woman

A man who has successfully climbed the mountain isn’t just looking for a pretty face; those are a dime a dozen. A man of value is looking for a woman (or women) who also embodies the principles of F.R.A.M.E..

• F - Feminine Grace: 

A softness and calming energy that provides a sanctuary for a man fighting the battles of the world.

• R - Respectful Attitude: 

For a man, respect is his primary love language. You can keep your love if you don't bring respect with it.

• A - Affection and Admiration: 

A man will give the world to a woman who is appreciative of what he does.

• M - Maturity: 

This is the big one. Emotional maturity is the ability to self soothe and not fall for the delusion of unlimited options.

• E - Exclusive: 

Loyalty to your husband, your family, and your legacy. Your assets are for the house, not for the streets. This principle starts long before marriage. It's about preserving your value throughout your youth by not being "for the streets," so that when you are ready for a man of value, you have something exclusive to offer him.

Where Do You Go From Here?

Understanding these dynamics is the first step to winning in your relationships and in life. For men, the path is clear: build yourself, increase your value, and become the exceptional man that women desire and other men respect. 

For women, cultivating the feminine F.R.A.M.E. and preserving your value can transcend age and make you a desirable partner for a man of value and an example for sophisticated women.

These truths are real. 

The sexual Marketplace is real. 

The question is, what will you do about it?

Force your emotions to follow your mind, not the other way around. 

It’s time to get your shift together.

Ready to climb the mountain?

Understanding these concepts is one thing. 

Implementing them is another. 

If you're ready to stop guessing and start building, we have the tools for you.

• For an in depth guide to mastering these principles, explore our collection of books at polygamybooks.com

• For personalized, one on one guidance to accelerate your journey, book a private assessment call with one of our coaches at polygamycoaching.com

To watch Coach Nazir's YT video explaining this entire truth, Click HERE

Your Favorite Relationship Coaches, 

Coach Nyla, Coach Nazir, & Coach Fatimah