"Bonus Parenting" in Polygyny

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Salaam/Peace {{ first_name }},


Some people say that one of the hardest and most rewarding jobs in one's life is that of a parent. What about being a "bonus parent"? For those who are not familiar, a bonus parent is another name for step parent. Being one who was a bonus/step daughter twice around as well as being a bonus mom twice around, I have a little experience from both sides of the fence.

My first step/bonus dad, whom I lovingly refer to as "Pop" or "Pop-Pop" entered my life when I was 2 years old. Even though he and my mom has long since separated, he has always been a dad to me and has never treated me any differently than his children who are also my siblings. Now my mother's husband is a different story. My feelings for him are not as adoring. I respect him as a human being and as the father of my other siblings and acknowledge that he was the man my mom chose to be married to.

Going through those different feelings as a step/bonus daughter taught me that there are certain ways things must be handled when dealing with children who are not "biologically" yours. Now being a step/bonus mom taught me a few other things to add to my parenting arsenal. I have always been of the mindset of being present with my children and showing as well as telling them that they can count on me well before I had children. I learned that as much as we may want to do that and be that for our "bonus" children, we must tread carefully because whether you are in polygyny where the parents are still married or you are in monogamy or polygyny and there just happened to be a divorce involved, being the "incoming parent" takes being patient, understanding as well as setting some rules, boundaries and expectations. I give a few tips in this video on our YouTube channel as well as share a bonding experience I had with my teenage bonus son. Check it out.

Have you had challenges with transitioning into the role of a bonus parent? How about trying to understand and connect with your bonus children? Please leave your comments and questions below and don't forget to join us on Clubhouse @CoachNyla, @CoachNazir & @CoachFatimah as well as on our other social media channels.

Make sure you are GROWING intentionally, LOVING fearlessly and CONNECTING on a higher level every single day. 💎~Coach Nyla

 

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