For the Love of the Man~

I write this with tears in my eyes as I think about families mourning the losses of their beloved men in their lives. I write this with tears in my eyes as I think about the losses of the beloved men in my life as well as the lives of my co-wife and our husband. These men were instrumental in many ways for the growth, power, strength and care that we tap into through our day to day. And in the wake of receiving news that a man, who was known throughout our community as a great man, a giver, wonderful father and one that many looked up to, was killed recklessly by a police officer running through a red light, no chase, just being reckless, then less than 24 hours later national news hits us with the bomb of the death of Kobe Bryant, his daughter and others in a helicopter crash, I felt compelled to write this post.

I was devastated. My co-wife and I were leaving our husband and other men, fathers and pillars of the community who were supporting our boys, young men and others as they competed in a judo tournament when I got the news of Kobe’s death. I was complaining about the things I had to do, how tired I was, (as we were at the school for the tournament for 5 hours and it was still going on) and how I need to get off my still broken foot.  Receiving that news shut me up like snatching the air from my lungs and the words from my mouth. I realized that I had to look at the big picture, the grand scheme of things.  I started to see men enjoying time with their children while pushing them to do better. Some were a little harsh, some more encouraging, but these were fathers and coaches that were there supporting and helping these children strive for more. They were spending time with these children for hours, talking, laughing, recording video, taking pictures and just enjoying the day.  Do I think that they all see it in that way? Probably not, but I know that children spell love T.I.M.E. and those men were showing love to their children in those 5+ hours.

As I write this, I think about the other men in my life who are fathers and my heart swells with admiration but it also creates a bittersweet taste in my soul because I think of my husband’s saying, “all relationships end in tragedy”. Of course it’s true and there is no changing that. However, we must make the most out of them. I lost a cousin, who was like a brother to me a few years ago in a horrific car accident. He was a great father, wonderful friend, son and brother but the poor decision of drinking and driving took the beautiful moments and turned them into memories that cannot be built on. Four young children left to only know their father through pictures and stories from others who had the opportunity to experience his fun-loving character.

And even though my biological father was not in my life as I grew up, there were father-like figures that I’ve learned from. My Pop (the father of 2 of my siblings) is one who has been around encouraging me, embarrassing me and teaching me directly and indirectly since I was two. I also grew up around older male cousins and uncles and as I watched them operate, I learned so much about the differences between men and women. I also learned that though they love different, they still love. Though they may hide their feelings, they still have them. That huge fact I buried and had forgotten about until it resurfaced through some pain I had caused my husband in the past and ignorantly stated that “men don’t feel pain, they give it”.  The blockage that created this thought wasn’t caused by him, it wasn’t even his fault. As my cushion of loving men in the form of cousins and uncles diminished as they fell victim to the system, I started to come in contact with “the others”, those who weren’t men, but males who had a lot of maturing to do. That is what skewed my view, what created the blockage. As I matured though, I saw the better. I saw what I remembered men to be. I saw and continue to see the loving, caring men; the brothers, husbands, sons, uncles, nephews and cousins that protect and provide. Who laugh and love and who also need the laughter, love, security and comfort from us; the wives, sisters, mothers, aunts, nieces and daughters. As I see these things in the man I married, my appreciation and admiration increase more and more. To our men, the real men, you inspire us and we appreciate you.

💎~Coach Nyla

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